Only 4 newmojis this week? Hmm… UPDATE 2/21/2019: Time to panic? Unclear. All I know is that every Friday since the release of the Bitmoji app in late 2014, there has been a release of six (6) new bitmojis (and sometimes bonus variants bring that number higher). If fewer than 6 are debuted on Friday, it’s only ever been because there’s a holiday that week, and one or more holiday-themed bitmojis are held back until then. For a while I expected that Friday’s 4 new bitmojis would be joined on Monday by a couple of new President’s Day-themed ones. I had pictures in my head of my avatar dressed as George Washington or Honest Abe Lincoln, or if not that, maybe the return of one one of my favorite retired bitmojis of all-time, “Mount Rushmore”. But none of that was to be. Monday came and went and we now stand on the cusp of the next Newmoji Friday living in the near-paralyzing fear that Bitmoji has scaled back their grand ambitions, and that from this point forward we’ll have to find a way to live with only 4 newmojis a week!
It’s an off week when the BotW goes to one rated a mere 7, but here we are. “Hi Handsome!” seems to be a masc reciprocation to the femme-leaning “You’re pretty” from two weeks back, except this one puts the avatar in a mint convertible for some reason and adds the slightly flirty/creepy wink. But the art and pose are pleasing enough, and this week it’s the best we’re apparently going to get.
OK, so it’s been a few years since the release of the original “Let’s Go!” bitmoji, but who exactly was clamoring for it to be redone with a racing flag and a fist pump? Maybe if I was more excited about watching cars drive in circles on television in the hopes that one or more of them might crash? Not my cup of tea.
Contrastingly, I imagine plenty of people besides me will appreciate this, the first cooking/baking-related bitmoji we’ve seen since they retired the one from 2014 many, many moons ago. I’m not sold on the minimalism here, removing any trace of a kitchen setting, but if we’ve learned nothing else this week, it’s that cheggers can’t be boozers. What’s that? I’m now receive word that the actual phrase is beggars can’t be choosers. The Bitmoji Museum regrets the error.
I Luff You
There’s cutesy and there’s cloying. Mushy, cornball, sappy, mawkish, bathetic, insipid shmaltz like substituting “luff” for “love” is, I’m afraid, beyond the pale for me.
Guess I’ll Die
Since we’ve been stiffed on the number of newmojis we’ve grown accustomed to this week, I’ll take this chance to additionally review a few recent ones that somehow slipped past me. The “Guess I’ll Die” meme in which an elder gentleman resigns himself to death due to a minor inconvenience is gold, and translates to Bitmoji pretty seamlessly, and looks especially apt with an elder-appearing avatar like our model Prescott. I’m not clear why the artists didn’t reproduce the exact pose of the original, nor why they made the avatar sitting in a chair (much less a sloppily hand-drawn chair whose art style we were introduced to in last year’s “I Give Up”), but such nitpicks aside, this bitmoji easily beats out any of the ones actually released today.
Our first face-in-a-fruit-or-vegetable-that-is-also-given-stick-figure-arms-and-legs bitmoji of the year is a pineapple, and it marks the 7th entry in this particular series whose trail was blazed by a carrot, a slice of watermelon, a banana, an onion, and a spicy pepper. There’s also the sister category of face-in-processed-foods like pizza and ice cream, and the even more heavily populated face-in-inanimate-objects series, featuring a clock, a soccer ball, and most recently a tissue box. They’re all weird and creepy, and I’m not sure what their intended purpose is, but I gotta say: I like ’em.
Wait For It…
Sure, yes, this phrase was first popularized in the early 10s, and only finally getting a bitmoji for it in 2019 means we’ve had to… wait for it… wait for it a long-ass time, but I’m plenty happy it’s here. It’s already come in handy multiple times in group chat as a way to establish a moment of confused tension before dropping a killer follow-up bitmoji that brings down the house. Though it’s very font-forward, I do appreciate the giddy look of anticipation on the avatar’s face as they lie in wait behind the text.
NOTE: While the 10-rating, 5-rating, and 1-rating are actual official bitmojis, the rest of the ratings (0, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, and 9) are unofficial custom creations, so you don’t expect to find them in the Bitmoji app or The Bitmoji Museum Archives. Names applied to particular bitmojis are entirely unofficial and used only for convenience.